Sarah Palin To Pose For Playboy? November 19, 2009
Posted by ace nobody in media satire.Tags: humor, funny, satire, palin, nude, sarah palin, playboy, milf, republican, going rogue, american, life, democrat, presidential bid, president, 2012, alaska, governor, vice president, 2008
add a comment
Hot on the heels of yesterday’s release of the Sarah Palin autobiography, “Going Rogue: An American Life”, a bombshell has hit the rumor mill.
Speculation has been running rampant that the former Alaska Governor will allegedly pose for Playboy magazine in what can only be described as a surprising move for this 45 year old mother of five.
“It’s a no brainer if you think about it,” said political insider Joel Kaazi during a high profile book release party for “Going Rogue” yesterday in Los Angeles.
“She’d net millions for a Playboy photo shoot and it would raise her profile higher than absolutely anything else she could do right now.
“Let’s face it, she’s America’s number one MILF and with Newsweek running their latest issue with Palin in sexy jogging shorts, I think the line in the sand has already been crossed.”
But not everyone is rushing to welcome the move, a gamble which is seen by some as political suicide.
“I can’t even tell you what I thought of when I heard talk of a possible Playboy photo spread, I was just mortified,” said Eleanor Partridge, head of the influential Partridge Institute, a right-wing think tank in Boise, Idaho.
“Mrs Palin has been an inspiration to conservatives ever since she stood up to those Godless Democrats in the Presidential debates but nudity? I simply can’t believe there is any truth to this at all.”
With the GOP on the rise but still stigmatized by eight years of the Bush Administration, some see this possible move by the media savvy Palin camp as a way to make a fresh start as an Independent leading up to a possible run for President in 2012.
Russians Held Off By “Magic Bullets” In Georgia August 15, 2008
Posted by ace nobody in War Reporting.Tags: bombing, bullets, comedy, crisis, funny, georgia, georgian crisis, humor, magic bullets, new weapons, russia, russo-georgian war, satire, war, War Reporting, weaponry, weapons
1 comment so far
An anonymous source inside a right-wing think tank in Capital Hill attributes this still-shadowy new technology to the influx of former Soviet-era scientists that began flocking to Georgia when the republic gained independence from Russia in 1991.
“The Georgians were working for years in the field of Organic Warfare,” said the source. “It was an old program the Soviets discontinued but a lot of the same scientists were drawn to Tiblisi when it was taken up there.”
Initially, the initiative was low-tech, centering around the release near enemy troop concentrations of canned meals containing undetectable chemical compounds which would simulate ecoli poisoning, dysentary and other maladies when consumed.
The digestive disruption efforts of the Georgians was moderately successful against the Azerbijani troops in their conflict of 1993, but it was soon realized that the strategy probably wouldn’t work against a better fed military force such as that of Russia.
“Basically, they realized what wouldn’t work on one end of the target just might work on the other,” said the anonymous source. “We think the Georgians actually used the guiding principals of anti-air missiles, where an explosive projectile homes in on the exhaust of a target, and applied that to their anti-personnel efforts.”
Reports coming out of the area suggest that the Georgian Army may have used specialized artillery guns purchased from the US to lob shells that released altitude-timed payloads of small explosive bomblets high above Russian troop concentrations in the field.
“The weapon didn’t have much effect on tanks or anything else armoured, but it absolutely devastated the average soldier, reducing infantry strength like not much else we’ve seen in the non-nuclear range of weaponry,” continued the source.
It’s not known if the Georgians will share this technology with the Americans but given the friendly relationship between these two countries, it seems likely that terrorist forces in Iraq and Afganistan could find themselves the target of these “Magic Bullets”.
New Weapon Unveiled In Georgia’s War With Russia? August 11, 2008
Posted by ace nobody in War Reporting, media satire.Tags: bomblets, caucasian mountain war, caucus war, crisis in south ossetia, funny, georgia, georgia fights back, georgia's weapons, georgian armed forces, georgian crisis, high voltage, humor, new weaponry, new weapons, north ossetia, ossetia, russia, russia bombs georgia, russia vs. georgia, russia's weapons, russian armed forces, russian war, russian war machine, satire, south ossetia, war, war against georgia, weapon, weaponry, weapons
1 comment so far
As Russian jets pound enemy targets inside Georgia, the former Soviet republic fights back with new technology as the crisis over South Ossetia becomes deadlier than ever.
Western intelligence sources inside the embattled breakaway region of South Ossetia say that while Russia tries to bring Georgia to it’s knees through an intense bombing campaign, the Georgian military has responded with an unprecedented counter-stroke.
Reports say that the anti-personnel methods which Georgia has employed match the ferocity of Russia’s terror bombing campaign but details of anything are still hard to come by in this embattled territory.
“We don’t know what exactly has turned the tide in some areas for Georgia,” said a European diplomatic source who insisted upon anonymity, “But we do know from reliable satellite surveillance that Russian forces in the region of the Roki Tunnel were driven in a route back into their homeland without any Georgian troops in the vicinity.”
Rumors of this unique retaliation first came to light yesterday as Georgia’s armed forces clashed with Russian backed Abkhazian separatists in the Kodori Gorge, and it’s been widely speculated that this new second front of conflict inspired the desperate response.
Following the Abkhazian success, Georgia reportedly turned it’s technology upon the Russian units assaulting South Ossetian capital of Tskhinvali and the Georgian city of Gori, among other areas, but it’s unclear whether the lull in fighting can be attributed to this new development.
Diplomatic initiatives have stalled as the UN Security Council continues to struggle in efforts to organize a coherent response to the crisis.
Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has reportedly landed in nearby North Ossetia and speculation has centered on the possibility for ceasefire talks but Russian ambassador to Georgia, Vyacheslav Kovalenko, said that peace is not even a possibility until Georgia’s troops leave South Ossetia.
But with the targeting of the oil facility at Poti by Russian ground attack aircraft leaving the Black Sea port a smoking ruin, an enraged Georgian President Mikhail Saakashvili has vowed to press the claim to South Ossetia at all costs and denounced the aggression of Georgia’s northern neighbor.
The Georgian Army’s ground forces commander Khavali Shevladze vowed to mount a scorched earth policy should a withdrawal be neccessary and puzzling statements attributed to the general could shed light on his country’s new weaponized technology as he warned of an increase in the use of artillery-delivered “suppository bomblets.”
